Life Needs a Delete Key!
You know, they aren’t calling it the Swine flu anymore; it’s now called H1N1…or, as my kids refer to it, “The Hini (high-nee) flu”. I figure that is probably the most accurate name!
Well, needless to say, I didn’t get the Hini flu, but I got something else from one of my little darlings: the worst cold imaginable. It started with a sneeze…not mine, a student’s. Those little germs marched up my arm, across my shoulder, up my neck and face, and into my nostrils. And, there, they set up camp. I’ve tried to cough them out, sneeze them out, blow them out, and they will NOT LEAVE! (Just like children who return home after college!) 
Well, today, I went to school, anyway…feeling a bit like I was dying. Why? Because sometimes it is harder to write plans for a sub than it is to just be miserable for 8 hours. Ah, but you ask, “Weren’t you afraid you’d make your kids sick?” You know, I thought about that…but then I realized that the kids you want to be gone a day or two, have immune systems made of iron, and those who are chronic absentees…were already gone anyway. So, I figured it was pretty safe to spend the day at school.
Okay…so, now you know just how sick I am…except you don’t know what happens to me when I am on Sudafed and other cold medicines. So, let me share some of my past history with you. A couple years ago, I created a worksheet for my World History class. I made it quickly (for my sub)-on my deathbed, as I was certain I was dying. Seriously…dying! I probably should have after what I did. The worksheet…which was supposed to be titled “The Roman Public Forum”…wasn’t! Across the top of the worksheet in all capital letters was “THE ROMAN PUBIC FORUM”. Obviously, in my medicated state, that was one important letter I left out! The kids didn’t know if they were supposed to be learning about Roman history or Roman Family Life.
Again, a couple of years ago, and again on cold medicine, I was talking to the kids in math class about Function Tables. A good topic, but not for someone who was probably overdosed on Sudafed. I missed the N in function…and the word took on a whole new meaning…FUC-TION! Again…MATH family education.
Last year, in the same stupor, we were doing an activity in which all the kids would answer a question that had been placed on their desk. Then, they would get up and move to another question, and so on and so forth. It was a great lesson to get them up and get them moving. Except, as I was trying to explain to them the order we would move, I said, (with the door wide open…and other classroom doors open) “Okay, now shit to the left.” I meant SHIFT to the left, but it was worth a few laughs…from all of the classrooms.
Cold medicine and teaching is just not a good combination. As I write this, I am on a heavy dose of meds…and I can feel the white lights and the floating feeling. It’s a good thing computers have a delete key, as I have been using it all night. I sometimes wish life had one. There are several moments out there that I wish I could have deleted…above is only three of those instances. DELETE! It’s my best friend.
So, here’s hoping you are not sick, not taking cold medicine, and can function a lot better than I can if you are. (Notice I remembered the N.) So, I am heading off to bed, as it’s the only place I feel completely safe on these meds. (I am a sissy. I cannot hold my cold medicine!)
Mary…the Phat/Fat teacher